Notes on Forgiveness

God commands that we forgive those who trespass against us, as we request that He forgives us of our transgressions. It is a basic Christian principle that is non-negotiable. It cannot be part of a deal, or a quid pro quo as it were. It should always be genuine and never be followed by any animosity or ill feelings. We have all been taught that since our first exposure to a Christian environment. It appears to me that we, St. Philips, are missing a single, but very important piece, of the forgiveness puzzle; the request.

Analogically, that is as though I dented your car, I show you the damage, and then I fold my arms and wait for you to forgive me without muttering another word. Adding insult to injury, my friends are puzzled that you do not forgive me, and ask you why not, without ever having asked if I requested your forgiveness. I step on your toe, and I wait for your forgiveness without ever asking for it. The reason this sounds ridiculous to you is because it is. Forgiveness cannot begin to take place until ALL parties have been asked for forgiveness. In asking forgiveness, we perform two tasks; we inform the offended that we realize that we WRONGLY offended them, and we make a formal request for their forgiveness.

Let me park at the word request for a moment. A request is just that, a request. Somehow over time and in dealing with certain people, the word request is used where the word demand is meant or implied. Understand that when a request is made, that does NOT guarantee acceptance. I know it is not the Christian thing to do, but not ALL situations can become as they were before, after an offense. Case in point, if I trust you to allow you in my home, and you steal money from my wallet, do not expect to be invited back even after you apologize and I forgive you. That IS full forgiveness but NOT full restoration. We have to wrap our minds around the ideal that not all situations can be made whole. If you spill milk on the ground, rest assured, there is no way to recover all of the milk, and that which is recovered is no longer the same. We have become so bent on restoring that which was, that we fail to ask how it became so. We are so willing to forgive without knowing what we are forgiving. There are, even in Christian life, some transgressions that are so difficult to forgive; we would often rather face the Father in the end than to forgive today.